Should You Break Up With Your Girlfriend?

Dear Joan Actually,

I’ve been with this girl for over a year. She’s fun and I like her, but I don’t know if I want to get serious with her. We get along really well. We have fun together and I find her attractive, but sometimes I wonder about other options. The grass is always greener, right? But we all know how well that works out. Should I wait and see if the relationship grows on me or should I break up with my girlfriend? 

–Raleigh, NC

I’m pretty sure your gut has already made up its mind on this one, so I encourage you to listen closely. Your brain will try to be rational, “But, she’s great!” and your heart will try to lay the guilt on thick, “But you don’t want to hurt her!”, but your gut is giving you a feeling that you can’t ignore. It’s saying, “This isn’t right.”

Listen to your gut.

Every minute you spend with the wrong person prevents your from finding, meeting, and being with the right person. Your girlfriend has a lot going for her, but for whatever reason, she isn’t the one for you. In love, it doesn’t matter if someone is close to being the right person or light years away; it’s never going to feel like the right fit.

Why are you trying to convince yourself to stay?

Is it because you’re scared you won’t find someone else? Fear is never a good enough reason to stay with the wrong person.

Is it because you’re afraid of losing mutual friends? Remember, this is your life–not theirs.

Are you worried about hurting her? It’s much more hurtful to lead someone on.

Think about your big picture goals.

If you’re looking to build a life with someone, someone who’s just fun and just attractive won’t cut it. You’ll need a deeper connection. Ask yourself: Is my decision to stay with this person bringing me closer to my goal? If your answer is no, you’re letting your relationship die a slow and unnecessarily painful death. Don’t do it this way. She doesn’t deserve this. You can handle the situation better.

If you’re convincing yourself to stay with someone, it’s time to move on. Stop trying to find reasons to stay aboard a sinking ship. You know—deep down—that you’re just prolonging the inevitable breakup. Have the talk and get back out there. When you meet the right person–the person who you cant wait to build a future with—you’ll be so glad you did.