Dear Joan Actually,
I’ve been online dating for a few weeks, and I’ve sent out tons of messages to girls I’m interested in, but I haven’t been getting any responses back. I don’t know if it’s me or just the way online dating works. Is this normal? What do I say?
-Fresno, CA
When it comes to an online dating message, you’re not going to get a response every time no matter what you do, so don’t take it personally. Remember, making a move is half the battle—and you’re doing that—so now it’s time to fine tune your methodology to increase the likelihood of getting not only a response, but an actual date.
To write better messages, consider these three things:
Women know when you’re sending out the same canned message, and they don’t want that. You’re going to have to pick out a few details from her profile and craft a tailored message around the information that makes her unique.
Shoot for a 3-5 sentence message that includes a question about something she wrote. So, she likes live music. Ask about her favorite venue. You should also share details about yourself to establish some common ground and get a conversation going.
Giving her generic compliments or alluding to sexy stuff is going to get you deleted. Not sure if you’re going to far? Ask yourself, ‘Would I want my sister getting a message like this?’ If the answer is ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘no’, then it’s time to come up with something new.
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