Discover Dating Tips & Advice - Date Mix

Discover Dating Tips & Advice - Relationship Advice

Explore expert-backed tips, real-life stories, and practical advice designed to help you navigate the modern dating world with confidence.

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For polyamorous folks, it’s a fairly common occurrence but that doesn’t make it any less intimidating. We all worry about meeting the parents for the first time, but what about meeting your partner’s partner? A metamour is a your partner’s partner, who you are not emotionally or sexually involved with. Unlike with a triad, where all three are in a relationship, a metamour is your partner’s boyfriend or girlfriend, not yours. For monoamorous people, meeting a metamour is not something they’ll ever have to worry about, unless someone’s been cheating. But for polyamorous people who practice open relationships, it just a fact of life. It might be intimidating but you should always meet your metamour. Your metamour is an important part of your partner’s life and it’s important to make an effort to understand him or her. It’s healthier for all of you to get how you’re feeling out into the open. But where do you start? Pick a safe, neutral place to meet. You, your partner, and your partner’s partner should all be involved in this conversation. Pick a place that’s non-intimidating and one that holds no romantic or emotional connection for any of you. Don’t pick the place that you and your partner had your first date because your metamour might feel uncomfortable or like he or she isn’t welcome in that space. Don’t do it at any of your homes because that can make it feel like one person has all the power in the conversation and the other two are just guests who are there to listen. Pick a relatively quiet place where you know you won’t be interrupted. Pay attention to body language, ask questions, and ask consent. You might be very extroverted but your metamour might not be. Try not to overwhelm them with questions, but make an effort to get to know them. And make an effort to let them know you as well. Try to find common ground other than the fact that you are both dating your partner. You don’t have to be your metamour’s best friend, but it does help to try to be friends. Maybe you both have the same taste in movies or books or you both like hiking or going to the beach. This commonality can be great because, while you may not be looking to be romantic with this person, having friend dates down the road can be really fun. Also, as always, consent matters, even if it’s not sexual. Don’t hug your metamour right away unless you ask if it’s okay to hug. Let your partner lead the conversation at first. Let your partner make introductions and be sensitive to the fact that they’ll likely be anxious for this conversation too. There’s no guidebook that tells poly people how to introduce their partners. It’s not something that really gets taught in school. If you see your partner having trouble, ask questions to guide them but don’t overwhelm them either. Be honest about your expectations and desires. Remember that this is a conversation between equals. How you feel is equally as important as how they feel. Don’t be afraid to share your emotions and what’s going through your head. If your partner and your metamour have been spending time together and you’ve been feeling a bit neglected, talk about maybe working out a schedule that works for everyone. It’s okay to say if you’re feeling a bit uncomfortable or even a little bit jealous. Even poly people get a little jealous sometimes, especially if they feel like they aren’t getting the same time and care that they used to. It’s okay to say this, but remember to focus on, “I feel…” statements. Be sure to say “I feel a little neglected lately. Can we talk about sharing our time more equally?” Don’t accuse or say, “You’ve been ignoring me lately.” It will result in defensiveness rather than openness. Let your partner check in with your metamour. Step away for a moment. Go to the restroom or volunteer to grab more drinks at the bar. Your metamour is likely sharing in some of your anxiety. Let your partner have a moment alone with your metamour so he or she can check in with them. It shows that you respect their relationship and you are showing that they respect and want to include your metamour. Check in with your metamour yourself. Make sure you and your metamour exchange contact information. Like I said, you might be going on friend dates down the road and that would be so great! But even if you’re not, make sure you have that number and try to reach out to show that you care about their feelings as well. Send them a text afterwards saying how nice it was to meet them and see where the conversation goes from there. You don’t have to be best friends but you do have to respect and include one another. Meeting a metamour doesn’t have to be scary. It’s awkward and kind of weird which makes it a bit funny. If you treat everyone at the table with respect and openness, it can even be fun and you might make yourself a new friend.
August 28, 2018 • By Jacqueline Gualtieri

Polyamorous Dating: Meeting Your Partner’s Partner

Meeting a metamour doesn’t have to be scary.

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A couple in an INTJ relationship hugging and smiling together.
August 27, 2018 • By Alex Bocknek

INTJ Relationships: What You Should Know

Some people who are interested in NSA lie by omission. Others just flat out lie.

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Two women who strive to exemplify selfless love, leaning into each other in a field and smiling during their engagement photoshoot.
August 25, 2018 • By Shani Jay

What Selfless Love Really Looks Like

There’s a fine line between being selfless and selfish in a relationship.

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A woman who’s showing signs of low self-esteem leaning against the wall as she looks out the window looking resigned.
August 25, 2018 • By Shani Jay

7 Signs of Low Self Esteem That Most People Overlook

Low self-esteem can hit in unexpected ways, even if you think you’re confident.

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A woman who thinks she may have sarmassophobia, looking out her window and thinking while her coffee sits nearby.
August 20, 2018 • By Karen Belz

Sarmassophobia: Fear of Dating is a Real Thing

Sarmassophobia is defined as the fear of dating and relationships. Translated literally, it’s the fear of love play.

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A man and women who are dating, sitting outside in the sun laughing while they have the exclusive relationship talk.
August 20, 2018 • By Rachael Pace

How to Have the Exclusive Relationship Talk and Not Be Weird

Don’t wait to find out whether you’re wasting your time with someone.

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A couple walking in a field, holding hands. One of them has a fear of intimacy.
August 16, 2018 • By Shani Jay

8 Signs You’re Dating Someone with a Fear of Intimacy

If you feel like you or the partner you’re dating has trouble getting close to others, here’s what to look out for.

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The hazy silhouette of a woman in love with a married man clinging to his side walking down the street.
August 16, 2018 • By Shani Jay

What to Do If You’re in Love with a Married Man

All relationships are challenging at the best of times, but being the other woman can bring a whole new set of problems.

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A couple in a relationship about to kiss on a beach.
August 12, 2018 • By Sherry Gaba LCSW

What Does It Really Mean to Fix Someone in a Relationship?

The difference between looking for a fantasy partner vs. someone you can grow with.

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A couple in an older man younger woman relationship dancing under the trees and laughing.
August 7, 2018 • By Shayla Ahrns

Older Man Younger Woman Relationship Dynamics

How do age-gap relationships work?

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A man who listened to this relationship advice for men hugging his girlfriend on the beach as she smiles softly.
August 6, 2018 • By Ashley Papa

The Best Relationship Advice For Men

Experts share the things you need to know.

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A man in an online relationships, laughing at his computer screen wrapped up in a blanket in bed.
August 5, 2018 • By Karen Belz

Can Online Relationships Turn Into the Real Deal?

While your relationship might not be as easy as, say, meeting someone at a friend’s party, it doesn’t mean that it’s doomed to fail.

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A woman who listened to this relationship advice for women, smiling and hugging her boyfriend in the car.
August 4, 2018 • By Ashley Papa

The Best Relationship Advice for Women

To help out all the ladies out there, here’s a roundup of some of the things we sometimes overlook in relationships.

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Happy couple smiling and embracing each other after a long distance relationship.
August 3, 2018 • By Alex Bocknek

Practical Tips For Long Distance Relationships

Six practical tips for long distance dating to make going the distance manageable.

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A couple going through a trial separation letting go of each other's hands.
August 1, 2018 • By Jessica Tholmer

When a Trial Separation Is the Best Thing for Your Marriage

Trial separations aren’t the best thing for every single marriage, but there are a few reasons you may want to consider it.

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